Prepare to crack the code of modern love with the Thalia Ouimet, a dating coach and matchmaker whose upcoming book "How To Attract The Right Guy" promises to transform the way you navigate the wilds of romance. As we chat with Thalia and PajamaCat, we dissect the perplexing intersections of career, femininity, and the search for a soulmate in today’s world. From making the first move online, to what really turns off potential partners, we're spilling all the secrets and laughs you need to steer your love life in the right direction.
Ever wondered if the city you're in is sabotaging your dating life? We tackle the distinct challenges faced by singles in different locales, comparing the vibrant, sometimes overwhelming, scenes of cities like Miami and New York to the more transient, party-centric vibes of Nashville. Learn how your environment shapes your romantic encounters and the strategies that can help you stand out in any crowd, be it through subtle cues or the boldness of a digital 'handkerchief' drop.
Finally, gear up for a whirlwind of attraction tips, first date etiquette, and online dating hacks that are sure to revamp your approach to finding "The One." As we anticipate the release of Thalia's game-changing guide, we're not just talking theories and tactics, but also sharing real-life stories of dating triumphs and faux pas that will have you both nodding in agreement and laughing out loud. Join us for a heartfelt, humorous journey through the labyrinth of love – you might just emerge with your heart's compass pointing true north ..
Prepare to crack the code of modern love with the Thalia Ouimet, a dating coach and matchmaker whose upcoming book "How To Attract The Right Guy" promises to transform the way you navigate the wilds of romance. As we chat with Thalia and PajamaCat, we dissect the perplexing intersections of career, femininity, and the search for a soulmate in today’s world. From making the first move online, to what really turns off potential partners, we're spilling all the secrets and laughs you need to steer your love life in the right direction.
Ever wondered if the city you're in is sabotaging your dating life? We tackle the distinct challenges faced by singles in different locales, comparing the vibrant, sometimes overwhelming, scenes of cities like Miami and New York to the more transient, party-centric vibes of Nashville. Learn how your environment shapes your romantic encounters and the strategies that can help you stand out in any crowd, be it through subtle cues or the boldness of a digital 'handkerchief' drop.
Finally, gear up for a whirlwind of attraction tips, first date etiquette, and online dating hacks that are sure to revamp your approach to finding "The One." As we anticipate the release of Thalia's game-changing guide, we're not just talking theories and tactics, but also sharing real-life stories of dating triumphs and faux pas that will have you both nodding in agreement and laughing out loud. Join us for a heartfelt, humorous journey through the labyrinth of love – you might just emerge with your heart's compass pointing true north ..
Welcome back to in the booth. I'm Sean booth and thank you guys for tuning in. Wherever you're listening from Maybe you're listening from Sacramento, california, maybe you are up in Aguam, massachusetts, or maybe you are in Lebanon, tennessee. Wherever you are, we appreciate your support. We love you guys. You can watch all these episodes on YouTube. Head over there to our page. We've got a TikTok page and, most importantly, we've got a couple guests in the studio today. It's going to be a fun day here in Nashville, tennessee. We've got the cat back in the building. She's sitting on the love seat today and, folks, she is wearing her pajamas. She just said she's got a sweatshirt that says Aloha, she's a big Hawaiian. Now Some black spandex. What does it say? It's got the islands on the sleeve.
Speaker 1:We've got a couple necklaces.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's actually one, but yeah what that's one chain.
Speaker 1:That is connected baby connected and we've got some what snake shoes snake shoes.
Speaker 2:Snake shoes, snake shoes.
Speaker 1:We got PJ cat in the building today. Everybody give it up. And to my left today, very excited for this conversation, she is a dating coach and she just came out with a book. It's actually coming out this Valentine's Day. All right, she's a matchmaker, a dating coach and a book for all you ladies out there on how to find true love. She is Talia Wee Metz, welcome.
Speaker 3:Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 1:So you help people find love.
Speaker 3:I do, I do that full time.
Speaker 1:How'd you get into that?
Speaker 3:You know, I think it was a natural knack that just kind of happened. I was setting people up for free all the time and my mentor grows, you know you could get paid to do this and turn it into a profession. I said get out of town. She's like no seriously. So I worked for the largest agency for a couple years, learned the ropes and then said no, I can, I can handle this. So I went to the big leagues, moved to New York, started my own company and now been in it for about had my own company for years.
Speaker 1:Okay that's impressive. So then I got to ask your love life got to be a piece of cake, right?
Speaker 3:Walk in the park, honey. Yeah, yes, so fun.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah, all right. Well, your book coming out this Valentine's Day and, like I said, it's for the women.
Speaker 3:It is.
Speaker 1:What can they expect?
Speaker 3:So here's the thing With matchmaking. I only work with men, so I hear every ick they have. I hear their desires, what they want, what are the things that women do that stand out to them? And I said to myself well, hold on, I have all this data and I have 10 years worth of data. I might as well create a book and share it with the world. So, ladies, you are in for a real treat, because I reveal everything in the book.
Speaker 1:All right, so anyway, we get a copy over across the way here to Samcat.
Speaker 2:Yes, I love that. Thank you so much for including me in this conversation. I mean, yeah, I'm open minded. I'm still accepting any and all feedback to an extent. I think that my perspective on love in general and partnership has definitely evolved as I've gotten older. I think as it should, as someone who's still single and a very busy working professional.
Speaker 2:And I think the biggest asterisk in my life right now is that I'm in Nashville and I don't want to shit on Nashville because I do love it, but it's hard here and I'm not saying that it's. I've never dated in New York, in LA and all of the places that are other quote unquote big cities. But you know, I have been here for an extended period of time now and I see a lot of the same behaviors that are uninteresting to me. So I kind of go on like a roller coaster ride of like I'm really going to be open minded, I'm going to try and I'm going to put my best foot forward into then also just becoming like a recluse and I'm just like I will die alone and that's okay, you know.
Speaker 3:I love that you say that, because you just said I want to put my best foot forward and then you went. You shifted from negative to positive and that positivity is what's going to get you to the right guy. Because what they have found with the law of attraction is when, when women say, oh, all men are dogs, all men are cheaters, that energy you put out it comes right back. So you actually do attract cheaters, liars, all the things. So I tell my clients I'm like, start saying only great guys exist, only the best is out there in the city. I love dating in the city and I swear to God your entire world will change. We'll have attraction.
Speaker 1:That's right. Say it three times right now Sam Katten Nashville has the best guys in the world.
Speaker 2:I want to believe you. I really, really do. I love, love.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I, I, I love that, I'm sure, but I, I also am a realist and I, I'm living it, and that's the thing is that, like, yes, I truly believe in the law of attraction. I think that works even outside of just romantic situations. As someone who's competitive and I'm willing to put in the work and I'm willing to maybe do the things that other people aren't willing to do, that works in every part of life except for love. I wanted to buy a house by the time I was 30. I did it. I wanted to work in the music industry I did it. Those things are all kind of like a checklist of things that I need to do. You want to lose weight because you want to be in this competition? You can do that. Like it's so much more methodical in it. And then the only thing I feel like I have not been successful in applying that to is romance is love. You can I feel like I have been positive I am always fucking positive until I'm not but like I'm I have a bubbly personality.
Speaker 1:What's the percentage of that positivity over there?
Speaker 2:But you know what I'm saying. It's like I don't think all men are dogs. I don't think all men are liars and cheaters and I'm not like I don't need no man. I hate that narrative.
Speaker 3:Well, I hear you saying that you're really good at manifesting because you got your first house by the time you were 30. You got into music industry and you wanted to. So I think you have already uncovered the manifestation piece. So if you bring that manifestation into attracting your dream guy, it's a done deal.
Speaker 1:So, sam Kat, you're over there talking about hard work. It sounds like Hard work to get a house. You worked hard to get the job you wanted. Worked hard in gymnastics. Now, talia, is that something where you think finding the right person, your relationship, love, your life is hard work? Or is it more of just by chance, like your path and your life led you to this person's path?
Speaker 3:I think it's all a dance and, by the way, great question, because it's a dance between this is the right timing, it's an alignment for you, but it's also putting in the work, right? So the girl that's sitting at home on the couch never goes out, not even on dating apps. It's not going to happen by chance, right? So there's a dance of I'm going to expose myself, put myself out there. I'm also going to have a positive mindset, but I'm also going to let the universe, god, whatever, let it happen on its own. Okay, so it's a dance.
Speaker 1:Sam Kat's a pretty good dancer.
Speaker 2:I am actually a great dancer. Thank you for noticing that. Yeah, I agree with everything you're saying, because I do think that it is. I mean not to steal your word, but it is a dance, because I think that you know, not that I've been married, but a lot of my, everyone that I know is married and having children and moving along in their own lives, and it was kind of a combination of both what you're saying.
Speaker 2:I've had some friends that have every dating app there is and have gone on a hundred dates this year. And then I have other friends that just like, fell in love with the first guy they met in chemistry class and college, and it's just kind of like you can't tell me that one is more correct than the other. I think it's like an individual experience, obviously to everyone. But what if you feel like you're doing those things? I am. I mean, listen, I don't mess around with all of the dating apps, but I have been on hinge. I've gone on a couple of successful dates from there and then a lot of not successful dates from there, but I also I do put myself out there. I don't sit on my couch every night, I'm actually a busy body. So then, what are the things that could be altered, if I am already doing those things?
Speaker 3:So here's the thing we have to remember Manifesting a job is so different than manifesting a partner, because there's one more person to this equation. So what if your divine life partner is not ready for you yet? Like what if he's in a relationship right now and he's figuring out that this girl is not for him? So he has to get out of this situation, heal from it, and then he can come into your life and then you guys can be together. So that's why I say it's such a dance, because you're also counting on another person to be at that right place, at the right time, in the right headspace and single. So that's why you just have to be a little patient with it.
Speaker 2:I am 33 years old. I feel, like I, this is the most patient I've ever been in my life.
Speaker 2:But you know what, I appreciate it. Like I said at the beginning of this, I it's I'm not like closed off to any ideas and I think that there isn't one right way to do it, and so maybe you do have a perspective that I have not thought about. It just it feels defeating, I don't know. Like I don't have any negative, I'm eating my hair today. I don't have any negative feelings about love or finding, like you said, the divine partner I love that word, by the way I I just feel defeated. I repeatedly find myself getting let down. So I'm just like why am I doing this to myself? Almost like that kind of question is like maybe this just isn't for me.
Speaker 3:But it is, but it is. And the second, we go down that road path of maybe this isn't for me, and we get that dark. That's when we start pushing it away. And then we create these things called love blocks. And we don't want to do that because when we create these love blocks, he's not coming for you anymore. So we want to and here's the thing Take a pause, step away from trying to look for it and just say I'm ready, I'm letting it come to me.
Speaker 2:I'm ready, I'm letting it come to me. Yes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what about the old saying like you can't be looking for it and then it'll come to you?
Speaker 3:I think I love it because, as long as you're doing your part, right, right, you're healed from whatever past relationship you had. You're also on one or two dating app. You're also aware of your surroundings when you go to the coffee shop or when you're out with your girls. As long as you're doing that part of it, yes, let it come to you, especially since you're a woman. I mean, men are the hunters by nature, so let it come to you.
Speaker 2:Okay, wait, hold on, hold on Hold on. We got to go with this men by the hunters thing. Sean, listen you already have a baby at home waiting for you. I need to have more questions. Okay, I know that you said that you work with like high caliber men, and that is, you only work on the men side, but I coach women too, I'm sorry.
Speaker 3:So I coach women and men separate business and.
Speaker 2:I have a matchmaking business. Okay, I misunderstood that. I apologize.
Speaker 3:No worries.
Speaker 2:Okay, well, since you said that you're going to spill all the tea in your book and maybe I do have to wait for this, but I would just like a little snippet here. I have found this has been like a more recently that I've entered my 30s and there are. You know, half of the population looks at you like you have three heads like, oh my God, you're 33 and single. What's wrong with you? And then the other half is like yes, queen, live your life. What I have noticed or heard from maybe family members or I would use the term friends loosely, but people that I know, that know me. Obviously I have a bold personality. If you read any comments about this podcast, I'm either the greatest thing on earth or the most annoying person they've ever met, and I'm both and I wear that proudly.
Speaker 2:There have been repeated situations where people have mentioned to me they're like well, you put off this vibe, like you're so independent that's so intimidating for a man to come into, because you've developed this whole life on your own and all this stuff. And I have two parts to this question. Number one is that actually a thing? And number two is what the fuck did they expect me to do. Because what else was I supposed to do? Not buy a house, not get the job, not travel the world, not live my life Like what was the other option to that? That would make me quote unquote, more appealing to someone.
Speaker 3:You will love this book.
Speaker 3:I mean when I tell you you will love it, because it will resonate in so many ways, because you and I are very similar, by the way. I'm a boss. I've bought everything on my own, built an empire on my own, so I have this, like I call it, the hard girl era, and then the soft girl era, and in the book, in chapter two, I talk about tapping back into your divine feminine energy, your goddess energy. Men love the soft girl and you just it's a dance. You have to figure out a way of okay, I'm in my feminine right now because I'm not at work. I'm going to dial that back in and it will. Naturally, guys will just come to you because they love the feminine energy and I understand everything you're saying because I've been there. I really have. So you just have to learn how to dial it back. And in the book I reveal all my tips on how I crank up the soft girl and then how I go back into boss during the day.
Speaker 1:That is as a guy here.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, sorry, I forgot you're here. What's up?
Speaker 1:No, I'd like to say that I find that attractive female who has their shit together, who has a house, who is independent, like I feel like that's an attractive trait. But I guess there is kind of this dance where you want to see a little bit softer as well, but also you don't want to be somebody who's a complete pushover and just like yes, sir, I'll do whatever you want. I think that is the ultimate goal.
Speaker 2:You think that no, no, no, no. What she was saying about, like, the thing I crave more than ever now at this age, is a partner that allows me to be the feminine version of myself. My job is I mean, I don't want to say it's masculine, but it's like I think about everyone else all the time. Every day, of every minute, of every second. I'm on the road and I love that. I love being the provider and like the troubleshooter and all of those things, but I would love nothing more than for me to come home and someone to take care of me, and I feel like that's a very feminine thing to lean into. I just have not found the balance of that, because I don't know if it's something that I'm putting out there, but the amount of men that I've met that at first seem like what Sean is saying.
Speaker 2:I love that you're doing this, I love that you have this together. This is so attractive that you can do that. And then somehow it turns into this like, well, you're always busy and I'm always the last thing, and like, okay, but you said that you liked that I traveled for work and that I had this going for me, and now all of a sudden, that's a fault. And then it's all of a sudden like well, you're not taking care of me, and I was like well, I'm not your mom. That like mommy issue vibe comes out Like I find I people are like what's your type? And I'm like, unfortunately, whatever I just described, I find myself accidentally falling into not, I wouldn't say a lot, but like more than I would like and I don't know how to like, maybe suss that out earlier where I'm like, oh, this isn't for me, this is a wrong vibe. Until I'm like, you know, three months in. So it's like not new, but it's not old. I'm just like wait, what am I doing?
Speaker 3:Hmm, hmm, hmm, there's a lot to unpack here.
Speaker 1:I mean I was going to say I feel like we should have a therapy session right now.
Speaker 2:Oh, I don't know if it's therapy, but if she has all the tips and tricks and she's seen the other side.
Speaker 3:I've seen the other side and I've also seen your side too, and so here's one thing we both know right, if we keep doing the same thing, we're going to keep getting the same result, right? So, whatever you're doing, you're attracting the same kind of guy and it's not working because it's not what you want, right? You're not going to be the masculine man, right? Hmm, someone's going to take care of you, someone's going to let you be in your soft girl era. So I think reading the book, it's a good start. And I think the second thing, too, is just also recognizing that those weren't your people. Yeah, they weren't. They weren't meant for you and they came into your life to show you. These are my dislikes and these are my preferences, and I don't want this kind of guy.
Speaker 1:So obviously there's so many different types of guys, so many different types of ladies and wants and needs. Would you maybe provide us with, let's say, three of the top things that guys look for when they come to you and they're like hey, talia, I'm really looking for a woman. I'm so lonely, I want to find love. Here's what I need to have in a partner. What do you hear more than anything else from a guy?
Speaker 3:The most. The thing that is so consistent is that guys always come to me and they say she has to have passion and purpose. He goes. I don't care necessarily what she does for work, as long as she has passion and purpose. She needs to wake up every day and have a purpose, because I don't want her to live in my shadows and I'm like, okay, that's cool, I love that. He's like she can be the yoga instructor or she can be the next CEO of Facebook, I don't care, as long as there's passion and purpose. That was the biggest thing. And another thing is to be respected. Women love to feel like they are being respected and they're not emasculated, so I think that's a big one too.
Speaker 1:Okay. Okay, that sounds about right. Yeah, I think that's you want to have somebody, is that? A resonate. Yeah, I mean, I think respect is definitely a big thing and for sure, you want to be with somebody who's passionate about whatever it is when they wake up in the morning and have a purpose.
Speaker 2:I agree with both of those things, but from a female perspective as well, because I also. I don't care what my partner does for work, so long as they are passionate about it or they have a job that pays the bills and they have some sort of passion outside of that, that also works for me. It's just something that it's like drive and commitment to a vision, or whatever word you want to use is so attractive, because I feel like when you're trying to find a partner, you're trying to almost predict your future in a weird way, and it's like if you have the tools in order to be able to build together. All I'm really looking for is a teammate. I have no idea what direction we're going to go, but I'd like to know that you are down for the ride. No-transcript.
Speaker 2:I again like the masculine and feminine. That's what I'm attracted to. I am not looking for someone to necessarily. I quit my job and I'm your well-kept woman. Some days that sounds nice. I'm not going to lie, but I do want to have like.
Speaker 2:My parents are still married after 30 plus I don't know how old am I 30, they're 35 years in now, and it's like I see them work as a team.
Speaker 2:That's really all I want. It doesn't have to be anything specific where to kind of like I don't want to rip on other people, but I do see a lot of women, especially when I was younger. They're like he has to be six foot and play for the Packers and this and this, and I'm like all of those things don't matter when it really comes down to like, in 20 years from now, what if I have breast cancer? Does it really matter if he played for the Packers or if he's six foot? No, it matters the tools that he had when I was dating him. So it's like a juggle of finding those things that I don't know. I mean, I'm getting ahead of myself, obviously, but it's just like I think that I am way more mindful now in what is almost like an intangible that someone brings to the table, and I guess it's refreshing to hear that men are saying that on the other side.
Speaker 2:For sure, but where are they?
Speaker 1:Do you find cities being different as far as the dating pool? Because she and a lot of females in Nashville say dating here is impossible because it's. There's a lot of attractive young females and, like you were saying on a podcast, it's always like the next batch comes in of the young 20-something year olds and it's a party city and guys are always out and a lot of guys don't want to settle down here and she calls it never, never lands. How do you feel about that in Miami and New York City and all those bigger cities?
Speaker 3:So every city has its own set of challenges. That's what I've learned. Dating in every city has something unique about it. Now, on the flip side, wouldn't you rather date Nashville, atlanta, new York, la, than, like the middle, I don't know Lincoln, nebraska? Yeah, I mean, you just have more to work with and you have transplants in different places, so you have different. You just have more to pick from. And so I think dating in a big city is awesome. I think it can be fun and exciting, and it's really about changing that mindset, because the second you go down that mindset of uh, dating in the city is so hard, it's miserable. They're always going after the 20-something year olds. That's what you're going to continue to meet is guys chasing the 22 year olds, because you're putting that energy out there. Every thought counts, yeah.
Speaker 1:You have attraction. You're a big energy girl, I am, I'm so big on energy and it works. Yeah.
Speaker 3:I mean I've manifested everything I've ever gotten.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I feel like the big city small city thing is also like a blessing and a curse, like maybe you know, there's obviously a lot of people who date their hometown significant other and grow up and have an amazing life. And then you move to a city where it's almost overkill and you're always looking for what's next.
Speaker 3:So yes, but also in a big city you have more options on where to go to meet this guy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 3:So, if you know your, think about, think about the kind of partner you want, right? Is he an athlete or is he a big state guy? You know, go to a steakhouse instead of the bar. You can. I tried this, by the way, in London and this is in the book. The story is in the book. It's called a Notting Hill story and as we went to this place it was like a speakeasy. I don't want to give it all away, but I showed all my girlfriends exactly how to pick up guys. And if you just insert yourself in a situation where you're not making the first move, but you just opened the door and they were able to walk through it.
Speaker 1:Let's do a little scenario right now. Okay, how to pick up guys?
Speaker 3:How to pick up guys Okay.
Speaker 1:All right, you walk into a bar. You're here in Nashville, tennessee. You walk in a honky tonk central. You're like, ooh, I like that guy over there. How do you play it out from there?
Speaker 3:So if he let's just say he's sitting at the bar, yeah, I am going to go to the bar, I'm going to become best friends with a bartender and I'm going to tell the bartender this is what I'm doing. I'm trying to get that guy's attention. Can you just play? Can we have this dance where, if I need your help, you can escape me from the conversation? He's like I got you and, by the way, bartenders love to help. They are. This is making their night alive.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Okay, they're bored. So you want to just give him the eye contact, look at him, turn, make sure that you're not moving your entire body language facing him, because then that's giving. I'm fully into you and you don't want to do that either. So just ask him like oh, which get for a drink? I'm still thinking about what I want to get. And he's like oh, I got this whiskey, blah, blah, blah. And then he's like you know what? Here, this one's on me. And then you have a conversation going because you opened the door and it's all men need, because they're so scared to come up to us and say something first, because they're afraid of rejection. So it really comes down to you just open the door, make that first move and then let him walk through it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I feel like men are pretty simple, pretty simple, like pretty easy.
Speaker 2:I agree 100% I agree with that.
Speaker 1:So now, in that situation, though, wouldn't you want that guy to come up to you and say something? Would you be more attracted to him? No, if he made the first move, it doesn't matter for you, because I know a lot of females, too, are just like. I want the guy to make the first move.
Speaker 3:Oh, my goodness. No, If you're really old fashioned, then you would look back in the Victorian era, when women would drop the handkerchief and when they would like a guy and they saw something they like, they would drop their handkerchief and he would pick it up and go honey, you dropped something. She's like oh, but did I? And it's like it's actually never changed. Women always made the first move. We just had to open the door and let the guy walk through it.
Speaker 1:He's okay.
Speaker 3:We just have to drop the handkerchief in modern time dating.
Speaker 2:I feel like dropping the handkerchief in modern time. Dating is eye contact. Yeah, for sure, eye contact.
Speaker 1:You know, everybody knows. If you're at a bar, you're at a restaurant, you make eye contact with somebody like, oh, okay, yeah, this is happening.
Speaker 3:For sure Wait. So according to statistics, it takes up to five times for a guy to realize that the eye look is for him.
Speaker 1:Really.
Speaker 3:So, ladies, if you're listening to this, just remember that the first two glances he might think you're looking at the guy behind him. He might think that you're looking at someone else, but up to five times he knows it's you.
Speaker 1:That's funny.
Speaker 3:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:I have to look at you five times for you to notice.
Speaker 3:Yes, give him the little look. Is that similar?
Speaker 1:I don't know If it takes a guy five times, you might not want to be with that guy. It might be a little slow.
Speaker 2:Well, I'm just already preemptively thinking. So I'm going to have to ask you five times to put your clothes in the laundry bin instead of in front of them as well.
Speaker 3:How long does?
Speaker 2:this go on into the relationship.
Speaker 3:But you would be surprised. Oh my gosh, I mean I don't want to overshare this. Whatever, this was like eight years ago. Overshare everything, overshare everything. So eight years ago I was at the Henley Regatta in England and I saw this guy and he was like my dream guy, okay, and I gave him the look and he goes me.
Speaker 3:And I go, yeah, you and he goes. Or him and he pointed at his best friend and I go no, you and he goes. Okay, so he came down because we were watching the rowing race and we ended up having, we ended up dating, we ended up having the best relationship. It was so harmonious and it's just so funny how he's like had you not opened that door and just look at me, I would have never. He was like you were so intimidating, I would have never. And I said, see, just to drop the handkerchief.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and I'm more intimidated by girls and afraid of getting rejected.
Speaker 3:For sure.
Speaker 1:But I also on that. No, I have a theory. I think that females do not handle rejection as well as guys do.
Speaker 3:What makes you say that?
Speaker 1:I think that guys are probably used to it. I think guys grow up like putting women on pedestals. They know like I'm going to shoot my shot with her, shoot my shot with her, and it's like I feel like a girl can usually get any guy she really wants if she knows what she's doing to an extent, right.
Speaker 3:But once she can't.
Speaker 1:I feel like they take that rejection a little bit harder.
Speaker 3:I think it depends on how much work she's done herself.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:If she's done therapy, she's had a life coach, then she can take that rejection and turn it into a positive way, like rejection is God's protection.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Easy, but someone who's done zero work on herself. I could see that.
Speaker 1:But I feel like guys are like all right on to the next one and girls like maybe more.
Speaker 3:Not all guys. So I mean I think about who I've worked with and some of them it takes a beating on them for a second.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what do you think about that?
Speaker 2:there, sam Kat. No, I don't think you're wrong, luth, I really do. I am just like racking my brain of my own personal memories and those girls that also maybe don't take rejection well themselves. I have seen a pattern of behavior where they are also horrendous to boys, who men excuse me that come up to them and they're like no. I will never be that woman.
Speaker 2:You could look like an ingrown toenail and have absolutely nothing going for you, and I will still be nice to you Because I know it takes balls for you to come up and talk to me and it's just like a level of human decency.
Speaker 1:Exactly.
Speaker 2:Or my interpretation of that, but I've seen the girls that you're talking about. It's ironic that I think it's not a Venn diagram, it's just a complete circle of the girls who are bad at rejection, getting rejected, and are also heinous when they are rejecting someone.
Speaker 1:Right. And it's the same girl.
Speaker 2:It's so icky, but that girl is like married with three kids right now and selling me Monet online.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but probably still mad about the guy that rejected her.
Speaker 2:I mean maybe, but it's just. It worked somewhere along the line, right, or did it Because?
Speaker 1:when she lays her head down at night.
Speaker 2:She's thinking about Shawn. Booth turned her down at Honky Tonk Central 2012. What up? What about you, Shawn? Are you good with rejection? What's going on? I mean, I feel like you're notorious for dating. That's how we met you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for sure, but no, I think that. What do you mean? Am I good with rejection?
Speaker 2:Are you good, like okay, when you were out on the prowl? Yeah, and you are at. You know your other way.
Speaker 1:Well, I say that because when, like I have dated females who you know, I've been very open and honest with them about what kind of to expect in a relationship, or what the relationship was and anytime it ended, or any type of like you know me pulling back, or it's like they wanted to take my entire life away and burn me at the stake for rejection. That's how I felt.
Speaker 3:They have not worked on themselves.
Speaker 1:Yeah cause I also feel, I feel like and back to my point, I think, a lot of attractive females. They think that they can get any guy they want, but when they can't, oh, I think you're talking about hot girl syndrome. Yes, hot girl syndrome, that's what that is.
Speaker 3:Yeah, care to elaborate Hot girl syndrome. I mean it's kind of so. It's just when someone is so physically attractive and that's all they have going for them. And so if that's what, if how people pour into their value system is according to their looks, how hot they are, then the second that it's not being validated, there's a reaction piece, right? So that's why I call it the hot girl syndrome.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:The rejection is definitely gonna hit that If that's their full identity.
Speaker 2:What if they're ugly? I'm just kidding.
Speaker 3:Then they don't have hot girl syndrome.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's the real girl syndrome, yeah.
Speaker 2:No, I think that's fair, because I feel like I've seen all of these things that we're saying like in real time. I can like even remember where we were and who was doing it. I have really also. I think, like when you're younger and when you're in college, you're fresh out of college or whatever you just like have whatever group of friends that you kind of like ran into.
Speaker 2:And now, especially with social media, I've seen people that I went to college with that like yeah, I mean, I kind of check in on their life, but we're not necessarily friends. And sometimes I see them postings and I'm like, oh my God, you're still the same. Like you have not done it, you're still suffering from hot girl syndrome and it's not cute. Well, it's never cute, but like it's definitely not cute when you're 35. And like I just feel like you should be a woman by now, type of thing. Which leads me into my next question for you what are your opinions of how social media has changed the dating game in general? You said that obviously you have extensive experience, and when you started in this industry, social media was not what it is today.
Speaker 3:So true, okay, so how has social media changed in today's day and age? Well, as far as dating goes, it's changed everything, because now we suffer with the paradox of choice. So now we have so many options we can talk to someone in Italy if we want to, or someone in London or in a different city, because we have Instagram, we have Snapchat. So now the paradox of choice has caused people to have a harder time making a decision, and they might have the best thing in front of them, but they can't make a decision because they're like well then there is Betty Lou over here in Seattle, so, and you have access to it because of social media.
Speaker 1:We talked about this.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I do think it is a blessing and a curse. Do you have? I mean Right?
Speaker 1:because we said, like our grandparents, probably as happy as could be, and they married the first person they dated and that was all they knew. And look at society now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think that it's. I don't know, it makes me nervous for the future too. I feel like if the pendulum swings completely one way, maybe it will come back eventually, but I don't know if you have any statistics on this or if you've encountered any of this in your work. But like we're talking about dating in general, like the beginning stages of dating, I guess, like having to meet someone or make the decision too, let's flash forward and say that we did make a decision and we went with Betty Lou. Have you seen any difference in like cheating or stepping out and like people who are, maybe they did make a decision and then it didn't work out because of whatever situation, and then they come back to you for like a okay, now I'm back in the matchmaking world. Can you help me on this behalf?
Speaker 3:Has that ever happened? No, that's never happened.
Speaker 1:If it's the same, it's just easier to cheat.
Speaker 2:But is it because I feel like now you can't get away with anything because everything can be traced and tracked.
Speaker 1:It's easier to access, I guess.
Speaker 2:It's easier to attempt it, it's harder to get away with it.
Speaker 1:We're back in the day. I don't know how or where you would go.
Speaker 2:Well, I just feel like now there's so much more like emotional cheating, because you can talk to people outside of your relationship which is like, yeah, I mean you might not meet up with them physically, but for me personally, emotional cheating is way more hurtful to me than physical act of cheating. I don't know if that's an unpopular opinion.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and what do you define as emotional cheating?
Speaker 2:If you are Well. I mean, I feel like I am a broken record when I say that I'm looking for a teammate, someone to like work in, through life with me, and if you choose to not necessarily go to me to work through something and you step out, whether it be to either bitch about me and what I'm doing wrong in our relationship or I'm just feeling really lonely, and you go to someone else instead of bringing that to me, it's like we were supposed to be a teammate.
Speaker 1:What about like social media? What are you talking about? Like? You find that to be emotional cheating.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean I think that we've talked about it before is that if you're in a relationship, your opposite sex relationships should alter to reflect the fact that you're in a relationship with someone that you respect. I don't think that, like, all DMs are damning, like, oh my God, you DMed someone, so now we're broken up. I don't think you need to be liking ass and titty photos. I just don't think.
Speaker 1:Would you want a guy that's following, like a bunch of hot girls, just to follow them?
Speaker 2:No, because why are you following them Exactly? And also, to be fair, if I met someone and they were following a bunch of only fans girls like I'm not going to be someone that like shits on them because of their past. Like if that was what you were doing before you met me, that's not in my business. Honestly, like that has shaped you to be the person that you are today. It's like from the day that we decide that we're going to try and do this together, that's more of what I'm going to be a little more critical about your actions, your behavior, your DMs, your ass photos, like those kind of things. Like I'm not going to go back and like in 2014, you were liking all of these pictures. Like that's irrelevant to me, because what the hell was I doing in 2014? I don't know. I was just a little more secretive about it.
Speaker 2:I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding, but you know I mean, I think it's, I don't know there's a blessing in a curse. I feel like we're saying the same thing over and over again. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Right. Well, I do want to say this though Social media has caused a paradox of choice, there's one good thing that has happened from it. So now, for the first time, we have TikTok and Instagram and YouTube, where we have experts revealing dating tips, and people, for the first time, are saying, oh my gosh, I didn't even think about that Like I should. When I think about my person. I shouldn't think about how I want six feet and above for height, you know preferences. I should think about what's his character like. Do we have anything in common beyond just like I'm attracted to you? And I think, for the first time now we have free tools that people can go on there and look and see. Okay, this is a better way of vetting versus. I didn't really know how to vet because our parents didn't teach us those things. So, on the upside, you know, of course, social media has done a lot of damaging things for relationships, but it did also provide us with some tools and references.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely. Can you go into the process of your matchmaking business? So you have, obviously, somebody comes to you and it's a male. You said right. So you work with a lot of guys. They're telling you what they're looking for. Now do you just already have a pool of women that you know that you can pull from, or do you start searching to get these women? How does that work?
Speaker 3:So the company definitely has a database of single, awesome, qualified women.
Speaker 3:My clients typically come to me and they say, okay, I'm in a phase of life where I've built my career, everything's going great, but I'm not able to share my life with someone and that's the piece that's missing. And I'm ready to start a family. And I say, okay, cool. So what are you looking for? What's your religious background? What are your political views? Because the Lord knows, we're not going to put a Trumpster and a Biden together. That's not going to work, because the value system is the foundation. So I always make sure that I understand their political views, their religious views, how they were raised, you know, and also what are their favorite things to do on their downtime. Because if I have a guy client that's an avid skier and he's also a conservative and he comes from, you know, a sweet, loving family and he's looking for someone who also has those things in common, then I'm going to search for exactly that in the database.
Speaker 1:Okay, how do you feel about the dating shows now where you can't even see the person?
Speaker 3:Oh, love is blind.
Speaker 1:Yeah, love is blind. What do you think of that?
Speaker 3:Oh my gosh. You know, two of my friends went on there for the Atlanta one for the first show. I think love is blind is interesting because it tested something that none of us really knew. Right, we were like is attraction really that powerful?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And what I think they realized is that that is the biggest piece, because that's what makes a best guy friend right, just a friend versus someone you want to be with. Is there sexual attraction? And so love is blind, kind of showed us that even if there's a crazy great chemistry through a wall and we have all these things in common, we have great harmony right, there might not be sexual attraction.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:So I think it is important. We can't ignore attraction.
Speaker 2:Yeah, do you think that I was going to like ask this and I'm glad that this just naturally segwayed into that but do you think that you can grow to be attracted to a man or a woman or whoever you're into, or do you think it's like you know when you first see them?
Speaker 3:So men and women are different about this. I call it. Men are like light switches. It's either on or off. Either I'm attracted or I'm not. Women are like dimmers, like, oh, he's a family guy, that's attractive. Okay, he's a little bit more attractive. Oh, he's funny, he's hilarious. More attractive. So women are more like dimmers. Men are on and off switches. Either I'm attracted to you and I could have sex with you, or I'm out. Do men have?
Speaker 1:icks, Absolutely yeah of course they have icks?
Speaker 2:Okay, but first of all, booth, you didn't even know what an ick was until like six months ago, so don't even give me that attitude right now.
Speaker 1:I hate the word ick.
Speaker 2:I know that's my biggest ick, but that's what it is, though, because it's not a turnoff, it's an ick. A turnoff has some sort of substantial reason as to why you're not attracted to them. An ick is because, like I have an ick right now, because Andrew is chomping at the computer and I can hear him while I'm trying to talk to you.
Speaker 2:He's wearing soundproof headphones right now and I hope he sees this in editing. Anyways, I digress, I'm just really distracted by that, but kind of like the okay light switch dimmer. I think that maybe I'm a man then. But I agree with you because I mean someone cannot be as aesthetically pleasing but if they can make me giggle all of a sudden, I'm like this is such a cute man and I'm like I've never heard a man ever say that or ever even lean into that or even try it on for size, and it's like so then it leads me to believe like men don't have icks because they will sleep with anything Is that true or false?
Speaker 3:No, it's false. Men absolutely have icks. I mean, one of my guy friends was just talking about he goes Talia. I don't know where she went before our date but her hair, when I gave her hugs, smelled like cigarette smoke and I immediately got the ick and I was like, oh so guys have icks Absolutely. There are things that are big turn offs for them.
Speaker 1:Me and my friends have talked about this a lot too. Oh, with the nails thing.
Speaker 3:Wait, sean, can you justify is this true? Because a lot of my clients have said this. This is like a big ick for them, girls who aren't well kept, like nails that are halfway done or like just aren't well kept.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you want somebody that's kept up.
Speaker 3:Okay, so it's an ick yeah, it's an ick yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah, I mean I'm trying to think of how, yeah, somebody's put together for sure, but I'm also one who doesn't like too much put togetherness. Like I think you know, and I always tell us to dre, I'm like I think you're so much more attracted without makeup, and I'm not just saying that either. I just think that a lot of women feel like, under the society's pressure, have to wear makeup all the time and it's like no, I'd rather you just be yourself. If you go to the gym caked up with makeup, maybe it makes you feel better, but I don't want you to think that that's something that guys want.
Speaker 3:That's so true. By the way. I have found so many guys now are starting to say they don't even drink. Like my consultation process with my clients, they'll say if she has a ton of fillers, forget it.
Speaker 1:I'm not interested in it, yeah.
Speaker 3:I'm like, okay, he's like I want someone natural. And I'm like, okay, he's like, think about it, I have to bring her home to my parents. We're in a different generation where fillers weren't a thing, and so I think that's. It's so strange to me how everyone gets all these fillers and their lips and everything. And guys, according to statistics, there was a study about how your lips are the fifth thing that a guy will notice.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think it's changed. I think that's changed over the years, though, because I never used to notice this, but now I always notice lips Because it's like such a big thing. Yeah, yeah, it's crazy, maybe because the lips are so big nowadays.
Speaker 3:It's because they have the duck lips now. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, damn Kardashians, yeah. So yeah, guys have X and I talked to. You know, my buddies, if we were dating a girl and getting really close to them, we'd find like one thing and be like, nope, we're done, like I don't know if it was a commitment thing, or find one little thing and talk ourselves out of it.
Speaker 3:Wow that sounds like maybe something else.
Speaker 1:I think so. Yeah, but I talked to multiple of my best friends the same thing. We'll laugh about it. It'll be like, yeah, I was crushing on this girl so hard and then finally, you know, went on a date and then she said this, or I noticed this, and I was like, nope, can't do it.
Speaker 3:That's an egg. I know you don't like eggs, but that's an egg. Yeah, for sure. Should we talk about first date do's and don'ts?
Speaker 1:Yeah, let's do it, let's do it, don't order milk.
Speaker 3:Wait what.
Speaker 2:Oh, sorry, that's just a reference. I got like roasted because no, not roasted Like I have. The people were on my team and the other half were like you're so picky, obviously you're going to stay single forever. But I went on a first date and a grown man ordered a glass of milk at a coffee shop that he invited me to, and it was like jarring, I mean. But there were obviously other things that were not going well as well. It wasn't just the milk, but the milk was the cherry on top, for sure.
Speaker 3:Okay, because I feel like if he had everything else and you were really attracted to him, you maybe have thought it was endearing.
Speaker 1:So I don't know if it would have been endearing, but I would have looked past it, okay, yes, yeah, I think if she was again getting into the physical thing, if she was, like, very sexually attracted to him, I don't think she would have cared about the milk.
Speaker 3:I think so too.
Speaker 2:I don't know, I mean maybe I, who am I to say I have no idea, I was just fighting for my life out there and I made it through and I have a funny story to tell.
Speaker 1:But yeah, First dates do's and don'ts.
Speaker 3:First date. Okay. So the first thing, this is the do's. You always want to be punctual, showing respect for time. I think that's one of the biggest X guys have. Is girls being like 20, 30 minutes late, like not having any respect for someone's time. Punctuality is huge. It goes such a long way. Do show up as your best self, like show up, be in a good mood and tell yourself you know what, at the very least, I'm going to try to make a friend. I'm going to hear someone's story and hear if there's and maybe there's a romantic chemistry. Maybe there's not. So I think showing up as your best self is a huge do. Another thing is putting your phone away. Yeah, so important Because you want to be present, you want to make sure that you're not missing any piece of the conversation. That was important. And then, as far as Jonathan, I love this one Best thing ever only have one to two drinks max on a first date. Yeah, you would be surprised how many people over consume alcohol on a first date and then over share.
Speaker 1:Because they're so nervous.
Speaker 3:Because they're so nervous and they're drinking too much and then they're drunk and they're over sharing really sensitive information that with no context. Just remember you're a stranger, like it's a first date, you might think this person's a crazy person, but if you had known them for five years you would think it's endearing, right. So, not over drinking on a first date. It's huge.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And then another don't, I would say, is don't ever talk about your excellent first date Ever.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Because at the end of the day that's not romantic. So you're definitely not going to connect over that.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And, quite frankly, it doesn't really tell you anything about that person, right? So I would never share anything about an excellent first date. That's like date four, date four let's cover history.
Speaker 2:I think those are all great things. Lucky for me I have I check all of those boxes. I'm always on time. I'm pretty sure I put my best foot forward. Like I don't show up after the gym, I'm definitely a big put your phone away person, because I feel like what's so important? I mean, yes, obviously there's going to be extending services if there's an emergency, but like, just if you can't take an hour of your night to focus and talk to me, then it's just like what are we doing here? I have one old fashioned on a drink, on a drink on a date. That's it One. If we move to another place, it's going well, Would?
Speaker 1:you like to, but.
Speaker 2:I still feel like that's not a first date. I don't know. I mean, I guess it is different for each person.
Speaker 1:You can tell I mean yeah, when you're vibing with somebody, yeah, they're like would you like to go to the?
Speaker 2:rooftop and you're like sure, then I'll have another drink. But if I'm in one location, it's one only.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I am a lot already. I don't need alcohol like to add to that and I also just feel like it is a. It's a crutch. Yeah, it's a crutch, but the experience that I'm trying to have, like I'm taking it seriously and I would hope that the person that I'm there with is as well Like, yes, it doesn't have to be so formal, but and it's also does it pass the canoe test?
Speaker 3:So the canoe test is when you think about being stuck on a canoe in the middle of nowhere and your cell phones aren't working and you're stuck out there for six hours straight and you don't know. It's only six hours, but that's how long you're with this person. Can we just laugh and have a good time? Can we enjoy each other's company, completely sober, having no phones? Can we just vibe as the energy there? And when you add alcohol to it, you have to ask yourself well, is this person funny because they're drunk, or is this person actually funny? We actually have real authentic chemistry.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:So does it pass the canoe test? Well, what better way to find out than have a sober date?
Speaker 1:That canoe test. That's good, because I was thinking the opposite. As far as first dates where you shouldn't shouldn't go Like I am a believer that it shouldn't be a dinner where you're stuck at a table with them for a few hours I feel like first dates are best where you can go out and maybe on a hike or something active or instead of just like sitting there for an extended period of time right when I feel like it's so forced. I'd rather do something a little more casual, I think. What are your thoughts on that?
Speaker 3:I think it depends on the person. I think, with my matchmaking clients. It's different because I've already vetted and I already know that he's her type and she's his type. So it's so vetted that I think a dinner date is appropriate because, it already has. It's already teed up for success.
Speaker 3:So I think a dinner date for that situation, but if I was to say like a hench date and you've never. You know what. This brings up another topic if you're a listener on here and you are dating online, you should always have a screen call. You'd be surprised when you can learn about someone if you just talk to them on the phone for 10 minutes.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And that will save you a bad date experience.
Speaker 1:For sure. Yeah, I would always FaceTime before we're going on any dates. If we're texting or we meet online and then you're texting and then it's like all right phone call, then it's like FaceTime before I go in person.
Speaker 2:I've actually never done that.
Speaker 1:Really.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Screen call.
Speaker 3:You want to vet these people.
Speaker 1:So you just text them and you're like all right, I'll meet you here.
Speaker 2:No, no, no. I mean I've had calls I've never FaceTimed. I feel like there's a difference between a phone call and a FaceTime.
Speaker 1:I mean a FaceTime is way more intimate Maybe it is because, yeah, I'd be talking to girls out, like outside of Nashville or different parts of the country.
Speaker 2:Okay, that's fair. So then I feel like that is kind of like a first date. A FaceTime, I feel like, is closer to a date than a screen call. Maybe I'm crazy, I think a screen call is good.
Speaker 3:Facetime is that next level?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that is a next level. That to me, like I don't know, when people were meeting people during the pandemic, they were literally just dating through screens and it still felt intimate enough that some people are still together. But it kind of leads me into another question of what your advice or what you think would be applicable to say. You are on a dating app and there's like I'm not saying that there's an exact number of times or texts or days, but how quickly should that move off the app and into real life, if you're feeling it?
Speaker 3:Okay. So how quickly does it move off and how quickly it moves off are two different things. Okay, so ideally you match. You have a conversation for I don't know two days a day. It should move off. If it's going well, it should move off within those two days, I think. When it lingers and it becomes a week, that's when things just kind of fall off.
Speaker 2:Right, and then so we're off the day, we're off the app. Now. Okay, now we're texting. He does have my phone number. We've had a screen call or whatever. I don't know. Like, how do I want to ask this? Hold on, let me think about this. I don't want to sound like a bitch.
Speaker 1:Are we talking about playing games?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I'm kind of like I guess it's just one of those things that I'm not interested in a pen pal and I'm also not interested in any more guy friends. This is me personally.
Speaker 2:I'm not speaking for anybody else but say that I was, you were coaching me. I struggle with like to river back. You said, like we open the door, I open the handkerchief. I'm great at being like making the move off the app into real life. I'd love to grab a drink, I'd love to do whatever or and kind of like initiating that.
Speaker 2:What is the appropriate amount of time? I'm like to judge if this guy is into it, cause I've had situations where it's like it's going so well on the app and then we move into real life and it's like I'd love to do this. And also in my own personal experience. I have a very weird work schedule where I do not live in Nashville on the weekends, which presents a whole another multitude of problems, but it's like, hey, I'm free on Tuesday. What is the appropriate amount of time of like, if I'm wasting my time, what the fuck am I trying to say? Like, how long do you wait if he's not responding? Or, all of a sudden, it's not so much in string, it's like I don't want to be too harsh, If you wanted to you would Exactly, and so you want to don't even say exactly, cause?
Speaker 2:he's winking at me because he's being a bitch, because I brought that up before and he said that's not true.
Speaker 3:No, because. But here's the thing you want to match his energy. You want to match his energy If he is pulling back. You pull back Because that means there's less interest. So if he's not taking the initiative to ask you out on a date and to plan it, he's not your guy. And remember, you told me you wanted a masculine man. A masculine man will step it up and get you in person right away.
Speaker 2:I just struggle with. I don't even know what I struggle with, but it's like I second guess myself from like don't be too harsh, don't cut him off. You know what I mean. Like because-.
Speaker 1:You're trying to get answers fast.
Speaker 2:No, but like you don't want to waste time, this guy's not into me, like why am I wasting my time? But then I'm like, oh, don't be a bitch, sammy, give him a chance. Maybe he was busy at work, I don't know. Like trying to almost second guess myself Do you know what I'm saying? Like am I even making sense?
Speaker 1:I know this question is so like you know all your time wasted, but you don't want to miss on something where he might not I don't want to miss an opportunity because I was being too impatient, Because he might not or he might be interested, but he's just not getting back to you fast.
Speaker 2:Yeah, or just like maybe I'm over-. How fast are we talking? How fast are we?
Speaker 3:talking Like he's not getting back to you within a day or two hours. What?
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 3:I mean two hours.
Speaker 2:No, Jesus, I don't have my phone with me for two hours at a time. I'm saying like, I just think, like the pattern of behavior like on the app, it was really consistent and then we moved into real life and it's not as consistent as I was and he's out Move on.
Speaker 3:Yes he's out Absolutely If he is interested in you. There's been so many of my close girlfriends that have met their guys on hinge and what I have found is that if it's the right person, it's gonna be effortless and he's gonna just put you on his calendar, tell you the time and day and you guys are gonna meet. It's not. It's that complicated, it causes you that much stress and anxiety. It's not your guy, period.
Speaker 2:I don't know that he's causing me stress and anxiety. I'm causing my stress and anxiety because I'm like, oh, don't be mean, like, don't overthink it, and I'm already overthinking it.
Speaker 3:You just need a guy who's going to just grab the microphone and leave.
Speaker 2:I want the Kool-Aid man to bust through the shirt.
Speaker 3:Hello, like let's go, and I'm like thank you, I'm ready, let's do it. Well, you know what? You're manifesting it right now. You're speaking it into existence.
Speaker 1:I'm like I was probably going to see you. Next time I see you you're gonna be taken. I'm not right now waiting for you?
Speaker 2:Okay, first of all, that's creepy. Does he have a knife? Should I be concerned? Do you think that it's appropriate To that?
Speaker 1:point. What do you find as creepy now? Where, I think, if there is a guy who's confident and he comes up to you in the grocery store and some girl's like, oh my God, a guy came up to me, or a guy calls my phone instead of texting me, no, I think it's all in their vibe.
Speaker 3:It depends on if you're attracted to him.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know exactly. That's the bottom line for everything.
Speaker 3:If you're attracted to a guy and he's really good looking, you're at Whole Foods and he comes up to you. You're gonna be like yes, immediate yes right, but if it's some creepy old guy that you're not into. Then it comes off creepy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly that's the bottom line for everything.
Speaker 3:It's the bottom line If you're attracted to them cool? If not, then yeah, and it passes, yeah, like if that guy, that or no one was attracted to him.
Speaker 1:I don't know if I feel any better or worse after this conversation.
Speaker 2:I'm having an emotional inventory right now and I'm like I don't know.
Speaker 1:Where are the best dating apps?
Speaker 3:The best dating apps is Hengen. Can I just say you will meet your person. I feel that for you, as read the book, you're gonna go, you're gonna do all the tips on the feminine, soft girl era and you're going to start attracting the kind of guy that you want Because, remember, he's attracted to your feminine side. So the second you turn that on, you're gonna call me and you're gonna say I've got all these guys chasing me now. Oh, my God, I'm telling you, yeah, I believe it, I believe it, I believe it, I believe it.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna manifest it.
Speaker 2:I believe it. What was I supposed to say before?
Speaker 1:Yeah, what was I? I thought the best guy. Oh yeah, Nashville has the best guys. Yeah, Nashville has the best guys.
Speaker 2:Yes, go team. Okay, got it, got it. Nashville has the best guys.
Speaker 1:Dating apps huge now, obviously, I feel like I've been to so many weddings from people who met on dating apps. You said Heng is the best.
Speaker 3:I think Heng is the best.
Speaker 1:I do.
Speaker 3:I think if you're based in LA, hula is really great. It's really really great. A lot of couples have met on Hula.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 3:They're starting. Actually, hula is now in New York. Have you heard of it? Never has it hit Nashville yet. No Kind of becoming the new bumble. So we love Hula, hula.
Speaker 1:Now, what do you recommend to ladies listening who are on Hinge or Hula and what's a message you would send to a guy?
Speaker 3:First thing I would do is I would look at your profile and I would say to myself does this represent me? If you are an athlete, you are a sporty girl. Do you have that on there? You don't want to have these hoey pics to just attract guys. You want it to really be your billboard. If you're a family, if you like family and you like your sister's kid, you want to have those pictures on there so that this billboard represents you and that way to tracks your ideal guy. You're really into fitness, right? Yeah? So, ideally, if you were on there and you were single and you saw someone else who's doing CrossFit or is doing tennis or something that you'd be like, oh wait, she's also into fitness. That's something that we both have in common. So if you're trying to attract a guy that has similar values, make sure that you put that out there on your dating app.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So when you say like, don't just put a bunch of hoey pics on there, then you're just gonna attract the guys that just want to see that. Yeah, yeah, just gonna hook up. That's right yeah, no hoey pics.
Speaker 2:No hoey pics. I was just actually thinking like I don't even know that I have hoey pics. Like my camera roll is very unholy.
Speaker 3:Or like if you have a dog and because I have clients that either have a dog or do not have pets because they're travel schedule and they can't allow that so if you have a dog and you're a big dog lover and that's so important to you, have your golden retriever as one of your five pics, because then that also vets out the people that are either allergic to dogs or that hate dogs. You want that.
Speaker 1:Good point. So then what would you say? So you match? I don't even know how it works, I've never been on Bumble or Hinge. You swipe is it just like Tinder, right? And then you? Somebody has to initiate the conversation.
Speaker 3:Bumble is women has to initiate Hinge it's, I think it's whoever what. Like you laughing?
Speaker 2:Because you just called yourself out without even knowing it. You're like well, I've never been on Bumble or Hinge, but is it like Tinder?
Speaker 1:I've been on this dating app. I've been on 10 years ago.
Speaker 3:That was the first one.
Speaker 1:That was the first one and the last time I went on a Tinder date. We went out to get drinks at Bar Louie and she over drank and started freaking out about Jesus and ran out of the bar. So it was. It was wild. That is wild yeah but so I'm assuming it's the same thing, though you match, and then somebody's got to send the message. Do you wait or you're just like, nope, I'm going to send a message.
Speaker 3:No, I think. I think it's nice when guys make the first move unless you're on Bumble, then girls have to say something.
Speaker 1:What is that old fashioned? Like you're saying You're waiting for the guy.
Speaker 3:I think that on Hinge it's really nice when a guy makes the first move and he picks something on the profile. So if I have a golden retriever and he sees that and then he says what's your golden retrievers name, how old is he? Or something like that.
Speaker 1:Something normal.
Speaker 3:It's something normal. So you're just at the profile. You went all the way down to the sixth picture and so, but also on the other side, you know what? Bumble was created so that girls can make the first move. And for all the single ladies, if you do use Bumble, say something more than high. Yeah, because you want to stand out. There's a hundred other girls sending the same message. So if you see that he loves tacos because he has a picture with him eating tacos, be like do you like guacamole?
Speaker 1:You know, say something different. Yeah, I thought you were going to have a different direction with that, so you're not. Look at Gravis attention there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'll button up and premium proper and we are not. Yeah.
Speaker 1:No, I agree with that. But also, yeah, I think pickup lines are so cheesy, I think it depends but like she's saying, though, if you can like find something that relates to them, showing that you looked at their page, showing interest. But I'm not going to be like are you a pickup line girl, samcat? I?
Speaker 2:couldn't answer that question clearly, because it really depends on the person, it depends on the vibe, it depends on the environment, because I do think that there are pickup lines that are like just cheesy enough that they're funny with the correct delivery and comedic timing and situation, and then there's ones that are like, oh God, does that work? So it's just, it depends.
Speaker 1:And you know what it works if you're attracted to them.
Speaker 3:There you go, because if you're that attracted to them, it works All right, yeah, what about?
Speaker 2:people who don't look like they're photos. That's like the other thing that I don't understand about online dating.
Speaker 2:That's why you face time, all I know but I'm just talking about like on an app. I struggle with the app because I'm a big like. I mean I know he was saying you're an energy girl. Like I'm an energy girl. The way someone carries himself when they like walk into the bar is going to tell me much more about them than like Does pineapple belong on pizza, yes or no? It's like Jesus, someone tranquilize me, like that could be a funny topic of conversation if they had the right energy. And I just don't know that that is conveyed for me online. I really struggle with that. I'm more of like a. I'd like to just meet you in person, gal.
Speaker 3:We need to get you out there. You need to go to a steakhouse because you want to masculine man. You need to just sit at the bar, have yourself a steak, talk to the bartender and just let him come to you. But also do the eye trick. I do, I have, okay.
Speaker 2:It's just a matter of time.
Speaker 3:You know what?
Speaker 2:Maybe your man is going to be patient. Just got to be patient. Catch me at a steakhouse.
Speaker 1:Do you give your matchmaking clients like a five people choose from? Are you like hey, here's this person, this person and this person.
Speaker 3:You want to, not, you're just like boom, you guys are. Yeah, and it's one at a time.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Because I think if you have too many cooks in the kitchen, things get a little bit complicated. The ingredients go in the wrong way, not good.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:So how does that work then, if you give them one and then say they chat, they go on a date and they come back and they're like that was not it. Are you like okay, is that then when your service ends, or is it like all right, let's try another one you make?
Speaker 3:more adjustments, no, no, no. We make adjustments, so we. I listened to the feedback and I'm like okay, so you like this about her, not so much this about her. Okay, great, Let me get back to you in a week and then we'll have someone else. That's better criteria.
Speaker 2:So is it up to the gentleman then to tell the girl that I'm not really feeling it, or do you do that it?
Speaker 3:depends. Sometimes I have to be the bad news bear.
Speaker 2:What.
Speaker 3:They can't even tell them themselves. Most of them do. But I always give them the option. I'm like look, you have a broker. It's like a real estate agent. You know, if the buyer's not interested, then your real estate agent goes to the other one. The seller's agent says, well, she's just not quite interested, she wanted the marble top. So it just depends. You know, it's kind of nice to have a broker, wow.
Speaker 2:No, wow, okay, I give you so much props. No, that's incredible that you do that, but fuck those guys respectfully. You can't even tell me that you're not into me.
Speaker 3:Come on, listen. Most of them I would say 90% of my clients absolutely will take the initiative and just say, hey, I see this moving more in a friend direction. Okay, perfect, okay, great. There is the one off that I have to do it. Sure, and it is what it is. It's business, baby, it's big money that is great you are a woman.
Speaker 2:I love that.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But those guys are great.
Speaker 1:What are you doing in Nashville? Are you matchmaking right now?
Speaker 3:I am not matchmaking right now I am on a book press, that's right. Trying to get this book to get in the right hand so that we can help as many single females in Nashville as possible.
Speaker 1:How long did it take you to write this book?
Speaker 3:Woo. So initially I wrote the whole thing in 10 days and then I went back and said no, this isn't good enough for my single girls. I went back and I added a ton to it and now I'm finally super happy with it.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 3:So maybe a total of three months.
Speaker 1:That's pretty quick.
Speaker 3:It's pretty quick, but Deepak Chopra wrote a book in 24 hours.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean she wrote it in 24 hours or in the three months, but she's been collecting data as being a woman herself and then also in the industry for 10 years, so it really took her 10 years to write it.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:So true. So I ended up with this book five years ago because I didn't have enough data, and so much has changed.
Speaker 1:Did you love the process of it. Would you want to write another one?
Speaker 3:I'm writing five more, five more, five. Yes, you know what I realized in this process? That I am such a creative and I didn't know, and I really have a way of expressing myself through writing, and you'll love the book because you'll hear my voice in it, and I think that there's a lot of different. There's the relationship book for the couples that are struggling, there's also for the gays, there's also for the single guys and for the single girls, so I think there needs to be a lot of books.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was going to ask you if you're going to do one for the guys.
Speaker 3:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:I will have a book for the guys. By the way, that hasn't come out yet, so yeah, yeah, yeah, you heard it here first. Heard it here first. I love that.
Speaker 1:So this tour, then you just go do some press.
Speaker 3:We're doing New York LA, obviously here in Nashville, atlanta and Miami.
Speaker 1:Okay, that's exciting.
Speaker 3:It's so exciting.
Speaker 1:That's exciting, samcats going to get a copy.
Speaker 2:I will. I'm a big reader as well, so I will add it to my to be read list and, who knows, maybe I will be in one of your books as a success story after you came on this podcast. Yeah.
Speaker 1:We're going to try, but until then, thank you for joining us and everybody, check out her new book how To Attract.
Speaker 3:The.
Speaker 1:Right Guy, not the wrong guy On Valentine's Day coming up soon, that's crazy this year's flying. But thank you so much, talia. We appreciate it and we'll keep you posted with Samcat.
Speaker 2:Yes, thank you for coming in and thanks for all the advice and congratulations.
Speaker 1:Thanks for therapy everything.
Speaker 2:It wasn't therapy booth, it was a conversation.
Speaker 1:Team on three Peace.
Speaker 2:Well, thank you for having me.
Speaker 3:Thank you, it's fun to be like you. You're my story you.